TV series week!

These days I’ve been busying to complete my homework. Never thought I’ll have holiday homework since SPM examination ended last year. You’ll never get what you desire. That’s what happened in my world, a world that never seems logic in people’s eyes. What they saw from the appearance is not the real image of me. People only see the glory part of me, but behind the glory lays a wretched life. No one will ever care about what is behind success.  Time pass with no mercy, a year ended which leads another year come. How I wish that tomorrow never show up. In just few days, my life will change into a routine, study and study and study. Due to the most important exam in my life, a turning point that will decide whether I will stay at the same origin or move far away from the point—STPM.

            That is a very tough exam, unlike SPM, this exam are more challenging and difficult to tackle. Miss a word and you’ll lose marks, a wrong step in calculation makes you suffer, misunderstanding the question in test and you’re done, and many others small mistakes leads to greater loss. I’m totally stressed with all this so called “rules”, I don’t know what to do and how to do. Every test or exams just made me crazy, nearly became insane. Holiday are leaving me each day the sun set, and I still haven’t finished my homework. Many problems need to solve and I’m kind of lazy. Listen to radio and watching “The Mentalist” helps me to relax. But the problems still there, unsolved. Hate to say this!

            Forget about the brain-torture things, I watch The Mentalist Season 3 and Jane really made me angry at first episode where he was fanatic with Red John again. He just cared about Christina and don’t even want to join Lisbon team to solve murder cases. Screw up! Then he just had to help Lisbon. Thank you, director for setting Christina free from Red John. Then Jane would stop his abnormal behavior a while. Patrick Jane is a really funny and brilliant man with his psychology skills. I always hope that he and Lisbon will end up together but I understand why director didn’t make them up, if they were together, there’ll be no more hilarious conversation between them, because a couple need trust for each other. Lisbon will never say: “Never.”.  What a brilliant tv series. Way to go, Bruno Heller!    

            Fringe Season 3 just made me fond of it with every single episode, I can feel my adrenalin spread all over my body each time the climax was on the top of storyline. Since Bolivia switch with Olivia, I hate her every time she approach Peter. Olivia was trapped in another universe and Walternate convince her that she is Bolivia in Episode 1. Luckily, Olivia manage to escape back to her real universe and Bolivia too, back to her own position. But poor Olivia had to accept that Peter actually had a relationship with Bolivia. Tension filled her home and she hated everything Bolivia left in her own house. Olivia, you’ll have your revenge on Bolivia someday, I hope.

            Merlin Season 3 ended with the episode “The Coming Of Arthur”, where Morgause died, killed by Gaius and Morgana varnish with her dead body. That suits her well enough after what she planned for Camelot. Evilly ruled Camelot with no mercy, Morgana killed some innocent civilians to make the knights give their loyalty. Merlin was able to find Excalibur with the help of Dragon and destroyed the Cup of Life, making the immortal army of Morgana ruined into ashes. But she escaped to somewhere, left Camelot for Arthur to rule. Merlin hides Excalibur in the middle of forest in the end, as he promised the Dragon to do so. The end. I’m quite shocked that the whole season only have 13 episodes. Left me no option but just hope that Season 4 will soon begin.

            Well, since my holiday are about to fall to the bottom line, I rushed to watch The Mentalist each day few episodes in the row. Like my sister said, I am acting like the world end tomorrow. I’m pleased with her phrase. So, that’s my diary for last week. Thanks for reading. For those who cares about me, I’m sincerely thank you, my dear.                   

I'm in miseries!!!

The weather was not so good when I woke up, it seem as if the clouds were made of sponges and they were full with rain water. I was right when the rain drops started to fall. I didn’t felt like doing any homework but the due date was coming. I don’t know why and how to put myself together. Frustration stayed in my head for no reasons. I kept thinking about why my life became so hopeless and meaningless. My third sister finished her STPM exam already, so my mother planned a plan. She was saying about how to do if my second sister gets work in KL and my third sister gets local universities in other states. Mom asking if I can survive on my own when she went to KL, she was asking for my opinion and I frowned at her.  She said it was just an idea and never let me stay here alone. I knew why.

            It’s not that I can’t live without her, I went to National Service before and I lived my awful life there without single family. But my problem would be transport. I still cannot drive my Kembara, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because my practicing time table. I can tell you it’s been a long time since my last driving lesson.  My second sister and I wasn’t so friendly anymore, she always picked on my weakness in home and never stayed in my shoe. For almost a month she didn’t talk to me, neither she wanted to teach me driving. Then my third sister also not willing to teach me, she gave excuses such as she is not a good teacher, no time, haven’t buy insurances and etceteras. Life became so complicated for me to hang on. I had to find a way to go to school next year. My second sister now took a part time job and she won’t be able to teach me car anymore. Now I’m burden with new problem. How am I supposed to go to school next year? Walking , bus or car pooling friends. None of those is what I want. I really want to drive to school on my own. But nobody wanted to teach me!!!  

            And my tons and tons of homework? Forget about it, this is the phrase I always told myself. Let other people finished those projects. I’m tired until I’m willing to be punished or get scolded by teacher if the project failed to be handed in. I don’t know why I became like this, maybe it’s because I am really sick. Sick of my life. The life that never suits me well, the life that I have to settle each time I was wounded by my own family, relative and friends. I always imagine about others life. Do they feel what I feel? Do they get so much battle and challenges? I just wanted a smooth life, that is very hard to give me, isn’t it?

            Speaking of wounded, I have another so funny story. Imagined that your SPM scored all A’s in every subjects, then your relatives congratulate you. After a few months, they came back and saw you in your house studying for Form 6. Whoa, then they would say: “Oh my god, look who’s here? I thought you can get matriculation or JPA scholarship.” Then you grimaced, “I didn’t get it.”The most hurtful phrases, “What? My relatives’ son gets with just 7 A’s or 8 A’s.” What is your feeling? I’m fine, I’m good, and I’m hundred percent okay with that. Seeing the people with lesser A’s got offered, I was thinking I don’t have to fight till death for SPM, no matter how good am I, I still stay at the same place. Take yourself as a point on an arc of a circle, no matter how you oscillate in the arc, you still back to the origin point. Funny huh? I thought so.

            Recently, I’ve been listening to a song entitled, Mean. I like the song, not because it is Taylor Swift’s song. But I am attracted to the lyrics. It says, “Someday, I’ll be living in a big folk city. And all you’re ever got to be is mean. Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, all you’re ever got to be is mean.” I felt these phrases are meaningful although I don’t really know what made her thinks like that. Every single celebrity is full of their own life challenges stories, not like a few that only knew how to become famous with their parents influence. Those are like ice in a fridge, their parents are the big icy fridge, once they are outside their parents’ eyes or away from the fridge, they will melt. Just like putting ice into water, the ice melt within few minutes. Real life is like water, and we need to fight with our own to ensure that we are really capable to swim to through it. And I’m on my way to break myself from it. I’ve always trusted that faith is in my own hand, I am the one who decided my destiny, not the God or others. One day, I’ll prove that my theory is right.  

            See? My problems which stuck in my head from the very first day I was completely off duty as a volunteer in Cheng Ho Expo. They never get solved but kept increasing everyday!!! Somebody just take me out from my misery. Kill me or I’ll suffer for another minute. I can’t stand it anymore. Headache is killing me slowly. Pressure is controlling my life in silent. No medicine to cure. Poisons were the only way to get me heals. Should I take it? I’m wondering the same question every single minute. But I just can’t stand losing my life to them. I’ll wait for the right moment to end this once for all.      

Wretched.

It was almost two weeks I could not surf the internet. First I thought it’s my modem fault, and then I went to cyber café and searched for clues or more correctly, the solution. Then I found the related problem faced by other streamyx user too. Luckily he got post the ways so I copied down. I never thought the problem would be getting worst instead of better. The line became unconnected and my effort was useless. Okay, then I finally gave myself enough courage to dial 100. A female voiced was all I heard, with those useless steps that I tried before, just that I did not tell her. Same procedure leads me to nothing. I thought she must be very annoyed by my problem so she decided to give up and told me to call again if the internet still not working.

            Next day 8.30 in the morning, I was in my bed before an annoying phone rang awaked me. My mom answered but she just thrown the phone to me. Can you imagined me, with sleepy mind answered Kelantan Malay? Oh my god, I did not pay any attention and just told him my location, he startled me by telling he will arrived soon. This really set me awaked and I rushed to prepare myself as soon as phone was off my hand. It was almost 11.15 am when two guys came with their TmNet van. They really pissed me off my temper. One young and the other was considered to be old. The younger male worked with my line and the old one just mumbling some words that I did not fathom. It took them an hour before they decided to replace my modem with a new one. Damn it, they also change to wireless. Great! But my PC still won’t work and they just know to say they were hungry. Man, if you have your lunch a bit late you won’t die immediately, besides your fatty acid were used up, wasn’t this more helpful? They gave up and said laptop could be used also and quickly left.

            I settled my pc as soon as they were gone, and it worked out. I can take their salary already. Why the wantan always behave like pig but the truth is they hated pig? I don’t why either. Then a few weeks before my house had been washed up by tsunami, mom got angry about second sister’s jobless status. She actually told me to give up Form 6 and took teacher course next year!!! My God, is she too upset or it’s my ears problem? Gave up Form 6 after I’ve studied for almost half year?!? Great! And I could see it in her eyes that she meant for it. I just took her advice in my ears but not in heart. I knew I’ll made things worst if I intended to be objective.

            Now here’s another problem, my insects, I really didn’t know what will happen tomorrow. Things weren’t as smooth as I thought, some been eaten by rat or went missing without a trace. No one was willing to sacrifice their time for this project; they were up to their own plan, gone for holiday, vacation. I knew it is holiday now but you still can have another longer holiday after STPM. Stick to our project!!! Everything was done by me and I’m honestly tired about it. I walked to somewhere to catch them and then walked to school. After that I had to walk back home again. I’m a human not a robot!!! I have my feelings. When people went to bio lab with their group members, I was so irritated. Why my group members weren’t on my side? Is this a lone project or I’m a person with six heads and six bodies? Transport was the biggest problem that I’d always headache about. I thought I’ve solve that by adding HK to our group but it seems that he was useless. Not so volunteering at all. At this moment, I hate myself for unable to drive. Thinking about this drive me insane!

            Too many frustrations in my head, why my life could not be just perfect as others? If I have my dad on my side, things would never be like this. He will fetch me whenever I want to go; he will teach me how to drive; he will be my supporter against my mom’s will which demanding me to become a teacher; he will stay at night and watch me read books; he will compliment me when I success. But all this “he will” ends on the day he left us. I will never get to hear or see him again. I’m a lonely traveler on my road now. I have no others but myself. No one that can be trusted on my journey to success, no one that can be count on.

I'm free!!!

  Well, as the title goes... I'm free!!! Hahaha... I like that... Not free from studies, of course... Just free from my one-week job... Very lame, I worked at there for 1 whole week but I didn't get any working T-shirt, not even the corporate one... Nevermind, it's not good looking after all... What I got from this event was friends, friends and more friends... I love that part the most... They taught me how to socialize, how to handle strangers and how to be optimistic... And all of them made me happy although I did not like the job very much... During that working time, I really hate to go to work as I only standing and my legs hurt badly... But when I remember about them, I told myself to get up and went to work... Just because I wanted to meet them... I'm given position at International Pavilion, sounds great huh? As the matter of fact, it wasn't that good... My job? Was just standing there and greet people whoever passed by... I'm crazy... Going to but not now... When Siok said why you are the only one who got International Pavilion? I startled and thought again... Yes, I'm the only one among our classmates who so damn lucky got that place... Wow, Siok, you knock me out...

  Just forget about that part... About my new friends, they were younger than me... All of them... Except two... At first, I thought I'm going to resign as I have no friends there... But after a few hours, they are all my valuable treasures... I couldn't believe I can actually be so friend with them... OMG... I mean, they're so funny and friendly... I seldom talk with younger friends because I don't even own one but now? They have my handphone number and we message each other everyday... Even now... Hahaha... I like them a lot... And the good news is, they all study in Chung Hwa... Wow... Good... I'm going to visit them when school reopen...

  Apart from friends, I got some sales experience too... And a little experience of being a translator for a Siam... I work at many booth... They were the Siam Scents, which sells cosmetics and beauty products... And I got two soaps... Then the soy bean milk, it's delicious and better tasting than others... I got one bottle free... Yay!!! After that, the booth that sells handcraft... I didn't get anything because the Siam was mad at me since I don't understand Thai language... The next booth was selling chocolate... The women selling chocolate gave me one big bar of chocolate... Hahaha... The last one was selling traditional herbs from Indonesia and he's actually came from Jakarta... He did bought two box of chocolate and gave us one box as a gift... They all good people...

  This working experience told me not to become a translator... It's very tiring... And need good vocabulary skill... I bet sheryn got many experience than me because she worked at China Pavilion... So good... I overheard people working in China Pavilion was very lucky because their booth were all own by China people and they were generous... Some even treat them lunch and dinner... Haiz~ I'm too bad luck... Finally this event ends and I got back my holiday... But my mom keep on nagging and told me to find new work... Didn't she realize I just want to gain some experience to motivate myself? I don't like the way she talked to me about that... I need this holiday to fix myself, my studies... She never fathom me, never tried to learn about me... She always did that to me... I hate that... It was like treating me unfair...

  Well, just dump her aside and back to myself... Now that I'm jobless, I'm going to spend my time wisely... I need to repair myself... And need to finished New Moon before school open... That's all for today... Looking forward for McD... Siok, Tong, Ryn!!! I want go McD!!! McChicken!!!  

Cheng Ho Expo 2010...... Damn Sucks!!!

  It’s none of my intention to insult this first held event in Kelantan, but the truth is…… it is the most unorganized, the most humiliating and the most lame event I’ve ever encounter in my whole life!!! Not to mention, the authorities really knew how to trick us into their stupid plan… I can see their stupidity from this event, they are not systematic at all… What on earth are they thinking, they thought us VOLUNTEERS are a bunch of slaves that they can play us anyway they want? Whao, they you are entirely wrong, Mister!!! Volunteers? Nahhhh…… You should plan well when you know this event will be held in roughly 1 month… Never blame time for your idiotic, just blame your brain which have insufficient of grey matters…  Because that’s the truth!!!

  

 I really got mad when I went there this morning… They told us today we can take our corporate T-shirt and my name tags with a bag and a hat… But the truth is, their lies are bleeding through their own rusty and yellowish teeth which give out rotten corpse smell!!! My God, this isn’t supposed to happen because today was our Majlis Pelantikan for VOLUNTEERS. Yet, those guys still make mistakes… You knew, I knew, wantan did plenty of idiot stuff because they are slippery what…… Never blame them, they are stupid enough… It stated there, 9am until 12pm was the time for us to take shirts and blah blah blah blah… So, we went KTC about 8.45am and wait outside Perdana Kompleks where they distributed the things… But what we got was just shouting and rude command that ask us went to Jubli Perak… Okay, fine, we did what they ordered… Then waited impatiently for our portfolio to be set for us… Half an hour… 1 hour… Then we got mad and went to Perdana Kompleks there, and saw many people there… Wantan can go in and out and in for thousand of times they want but we the important ones were banned from going inside… Then ask us go back Jubli Perak again… Okay, another walk… At there, still waiting impatiently, one Chinese girl come and said they want us to go have a breakfast and whatever, just get lost for an hour… So, again, walk away and wondered around KTC…

   

  Then at KTC, we got the chance to be translator in informal attire and helped the visitors from Shaolin, China to translate and communicate with them, and then we lead them to their hotel room… Wow, that’s it… Our job finished and we have to rush back to Jubli Perak again!!! At there, we have to find our names in which portfolio to ensure our position during the exhibition… Then I searched through the entire name lists and guess what? My name isn’t in any list and I’m breaking into many pieces… Oh great!!! I felt like going home at once… Then people whose names were not shortlisted were inquired to write their names on a piece of paper and queue up into a few lines… Then they started to divide us into groups again and I got a bunch of kids same as my group… Wow… Haiz~ Then luckily I was sent to Cacing’s LOVE group where I have her as a company… That will do… And she is my group leader… Hahaha… We were the set to work at the International Pavilion and become a short time translator… Oh my oh my… This is a challenging job… Ryn get China Pavilion… More interesting job… Bear with it but I’m not sure this is stable because there is no way wantan won’t be in there… Maybe we’re just spare tires… Who knows? Then it’s a break for lunch and they prepared beef for us… Oh great!!! Damn it… So, we have to spend our own money to have a lunch… After that we were supposed to get those shirt and most importantly our name tags!!! It stated 2pm, so we waited there for almost an hour and they opened their smelly mouth again :”You’re not going to get anything today because… “ they rest I could hear already, I just felt like slammed his damn ugly face!!! So, we’re leaving… Then a Chinese guy came out and said to us that it’s their problem and our name tags have already printed out, just incomplete with some accessories and clothes are not enough… He urged us to come tomorrow as early as we can to take the cloth… I wonder if tomorrow they still make stupid of us… Then Cacing asked us to meet her at Jubli Perak again, so we walked to there again… At there, another Chinese man made a small briefing and he said the most relevant phrase that I wanted to hear since I was indulging in this event… It sounds like this :” 你们是郑和展览会的灵魂，没有你们，这个展览会一定会失败!” That’s the truth!!! When he wished to continue his briefing, a wantan male came and snapped his phrase, he wanted us the Chinese to go to KTC hall at instance because the hall was quite empty… So at this point you just want us to attend that damn ceremony? No way, man… I was very angry and decided not to go… Let you celebrate with your wantan, we are not important what… As the matter of fact, our group just ran back without attending the so-called Big ceremony…

  

 I’m not bragging but this event is suitable for Chinese because we talk Mandarin… And most exhibitors are from China and yet, a lot of wantan are accepted, they get the name tags, the shirts and they can take 2 or 3 cloths at once… Damn you wantan authorities… The Majlis Pelantikan is really a disgrace because they insulted our culture… Who the hell will play Chinese drums and at the same time play song at one time… Really insufficient of grey matters and show your stupidity… I’m not an expert but you guys sucks…

  

 Well, forget about the idiot a while and I was happy last Wednesday because Siok, Ryn and I went to catch insects around Ryn’s house… We really caught many type of insects… Hahaha… Ryn, I wish we can go to your house again… To catch butterflies!!! I want the black one… Looking forward for McDonald… Siok, Ryn, Tong and me… Four of us… McChicken!!!