Things that happened really killing me!!! I don't know what I did in my past that in this life, I had to live like this, the reincarnation that I deserve is never get what I want in this life!!! Life gets into misery and hopeless when my daddy passed away, I knew from the moment I've lost him, I'm going to be very sad and will never find my happiness again. I always thought if I could save him, maybe life won't be so tough and every Chinese New Year, we are truly reunion, at Chinese Eve. But I help nothing and was only able to see him dying. That was the darkest moment in my entire life. Losing your daddy was painful, nobody knew it unless they experience it themselves, but there is still a different, at my age, 15 year-old.
Then, I've learned to keep things in my heart, learn to walk back home from school, learn to watch people's face, learn that friends are not always the way they use to be in school, learn that never ask help from others unless I've no choice, learn that money does buy anything but not everything, learn that reality is always cruel, learn that life is to live for die, learn that take is much easier than give, learn that nothing stays the same, learn that I've been living in dream world all these years, learn that telling lies will not hurt me but listen to people's lies, definitely I will, learn that the word "fair" only exist in book, the most importantly, I study until Form 6 just to be insulted by my own mom. Great!!!
Now, the big issue in my home is about our future job. My mom recently just bother about that. She wished that I can be a teacher. That's right, a teacher. Wow... NO WAY MAN!!! That's what I told her when she asked me while she was helping me to cut my hair. I was silent and refused to answer, then there was silence filling the room. I thought I'm way to far to think about course that I'm going to take, right? I'm just entering Form 6 for nearly 3 months and now you're saying that I should take account teacher? And I remembered I had told her I'll never, ever, forever thought of it. She just cannot get the signal that I'm trying to pass to her. Stop it and leave me alone, please!!! Then I heard her customer suggest that nurse is better, then teacher, then doctor, after I get my SPM result, a POLICE?!? More ridiculous when I've just returned from NS. What the...
Thinking about my studies, I really want to stab myself to death... I've wasted the holidays and now I regret about it, time flies my friend, another me in the mirror said to me, while the real me sighing. Haiz~ There's nothing that we can do, I'm sorry, I look at the PA, biology, chemistry and mathematics books that I've operated surgery on them, with the wound open wide and blood dripping, my imagination... Lost!!! I wonder how am I going to face exams that are just around the corners?
Can't imagine the result I'll get again this time... Ruined by me... AGAIN!!!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Waiting for Merlin Season 3 Episode 2!!!
Wow, amazing, fantastic, stunned and more words to express my feeling after I've watch Merlin Season 3 episode 1... I've been waiting for this third series since march after I finished watching season 2... Great story plot for first episode where after Morgana went missing for many years, Arthur finally found her in a middle of forest. I always know that she will come back for revenge and as I predicted, she came back to revenge Uther for his kingdom and Merlin, who poisoned her.
Morgana plays with Uther's love for her and gain his trust with tears that she wanted. Later in night, Morgana rode a horse and went to find her sister, Morgause to cast the spell with Uther's tears. She succeeded and Uther was out of his mind when he started to hallucinating and saw her dead wife.
Merlin accidentally saw Morgana taking a dripping thing under Uther's bed and he followed her. Morgana told Morgause that Merlin had suspected her and Morgause wanted to kill Merlin, Morgana quickly inform her that Merlin was here and she can kill him now. Merlin tried to escape but failed. Morgause cast a spell to tighten him with chainsaw and left him to be eaten by giant scorpion. Merlin was unable to free himself from the chainsaw and he cannot stopped the scorpions which seems to see him as breakfast.
Merlin finally called for his dragon and there was no sign of it. An army was heading forward to Camelot and Arthur refuse to take over his father's kingdom. He told Gaius that he will never give up of Uther. Merlin was totally give up of himself when Dragon appears from sky and chase the scorpion away from Merlin. The Dragon saved Merlin.
Episode 1 ends here and I'm waiting for next week... Fast fast fast, I want to watch Merlin...
Morgana plays with Uther's love for her and gain his trust with tears that she wanted. Later in night, Morgana rode a horse and went to find her sister, Morgause to cast the spell with Uther's tears. She succeeded and Uther was out of his mind when he started to hallucinating and saw her dead wife.
Merlin accidentally saw Morgana taking a dripping thing under Uther's bed and he followed her. Morgana told Morgause that Merlin had suspected her and Morgause wanted to kill Merlin, Morgana quickly inform her that Merlin was here and she can kill him now. Merlin tried to escape but failed. Morgause cast a spell to tighten him with chainsaw and left him to be eaten by giant scorpion. Merlin was unable to free himself from the chainsaw and he cannot stopped the scorpions which seems to see him as breakfast.
Merlin finally called for his dragon and there was no sign of it. An army was heading forward to Camelot and Arthur refuse to take over his father's kingdom. He told Gaius that he will never give up of Uther. Merlin was totally give up of himself when Dragon appears from sky and chase the scorpion away from Merlin. The Dragon saved Merlin.
Episode 1 ends here and I'm waiting for next week... Fast fast fast, I want to watch Merlin...
Friday, September 3, 2010
Holiday that everybody wait for long time......
Finally, our holidays have arrived, but I got a feeling that it will pass very fast... Final year exam coming soon and I still have not started my revision... I am supposed to study because I'm very weak in all the subjects that I take... I lost my heart to study, I have no mood, after I saw what I've just saw, I'm totally out of my mind...
My second sister, Anjeli( my mom nickname her recently) took the initiative to teach me drive Kembara, we started the tutorial at Tengku Anis... Then I drove with fear in my heart, making too many mistakes that can cause me into accident... Then I realize that to drive a car, we need courage and a still heart... I was scolded by Anjeli many times, she was 180 degree different when at home compare in car... I know she did not mean to be stern but it's for my own safety... I knew that!!! Now I'm quite okay with the situation but not so well in driving to school... Need to improve more!!!
I always wanted to quit from facebook, but the reason why I still hold on to it is just to maintain my distance-friendships... I know it cost a lot to send message, cost more to give a call, if I message or call them, I will be wasted their golden time, what for if I'm just bothering them? When no communication, it will be considered as lost contact; if sends message and replying sms, it would cost money; online? that would be worst, not same time online, maybe they got class or other event, the timing not correct; leave comment? then today you reply, tomorrow I leave another short comment, it will be wasting more time... Just another nuisance to them... Haiz...
How to be a good friend for your best friend? Like this cannot, do that also doesn't work... Can somebody just give me a manual, because I need it so much... I'm sorry for letting you down, sorry that I'm not a thoughtful friend of you, sorry for my misunderstanding, sorry for my failure as a friend... I've always thought distance will not become a reason for breaking friendship, but it seems that I'm miscalculating... I always thought that true friendship doesn't fade easily... But the fact is, it is fading without our consciousness... We are human, easily influence by what we saw and what we hear, then we started to lose trust for each other... Thinking that: She got a new friend... She and her new friend seems to be close... She must have forgotten me... Broken promises, disbelieving and last, losing hope... Friendship fading slowly...
I just wanted to declare that, in my heart, there's always different ranking of friends for me... Each of the ranking are irreplaceable, no matter how good she is, how alike both of you are, no one can replace the position that I've set in my heart... I really feel like slicing my heart to let you see you are still at the same place in my heart, that I'm still the old me, and you are still important for me, but it seems like I'm losing your trust for me... I'm sad, sad that I'm just the same as others in your opinion... I'm just an ordinary person, and you don't know me anymore........
My second sister, Anjeli( my mom nickname her recently) took the initiative to teach me drive Kembara, we started the tutorial at Tengku Anis... Then I drove with fear in my heart, making too many mistakes that can cause me into accident... Then I realize that to drive a car, we need courage and a still heart... I was scolded by Anjeli many times, she was 180 degree different when at home compare in car... I know she did not mean to be stern but it's for my own safety... I knew that!!! Now I'm quite okay with the situation but not so well in driving to school... Need to improve more!!!
I always wanted to quit from facebook, but the reason why I still hold on to it is just to maintain my distance-friendships... I know it cost a lot to send message, cost more to give a call, if I message or call them, I will be wasted their golden time, what for if I'm just bothering them? When no communication, it will be considered as lost contact; if sends message and replying sms, it would cost money; online? that would be worst, not same time online, maybe they got class or other event, the timing not correct; leave comment? then today you reply, tomorrow I leave another short comment, it will be wasting more time... Just another nuisance to them... Haiz...
How to be a good friend for your best friend? Like this cannot, do that also doesn't work... Can somebody just give me a manual, because I need it so much... I'm sorry for letting you down, sorry that I'm not a thoughtful friend of you, sorry for my misunderstanding, sorry for my failure as a friend... I've always thought distance will not become a reason for breaking friendship, but it seems that I'm miscalculating... I always thought that true friendship doesn't fade easily... But the fact is, it is fading without our consciousness... We are human, easily influence by what we saw and what we hear, then we started to lose trust for each other... Thinking that: She got a new friend... She and her new friend seems to be close... She must have forgotten me... Broken promises, disbelieving and last, losing hope... Friendship fading slowly...
I just wanted to declare that, in my heart, there's always different ranking of friends for me... Each of the ranking are irreplaceable, no matter how good she is, how alike both of you are, no one can replace the position that I've set in my heart... I really feel like slicing my heart to let you see you are still at the same place in my heart, that I'm still the old me, and you are still important for me, but it seems like I'm losing your trust for me... I'm sad, sad that I'm just the same as others in your opinion... I'm just an ordinary person, and you don't know me anymore........
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
My birthday...... Is nothing at all....
31.08.2010 was my 18th birthday, but I didn't buy any cakes and didn't get any special present...... My second sister made a breakfast for me, my mom gave me Angpao, not very much...... =.= Then I sign in facebook and saw many people post comment for me...... Special thanks to them...... And I'm so touched when I received messages from friends...... Every year, she was the first one to send me birthday wishes, Siew Mei...... My best friends...... She'll never be late for that, thank you my dear....
Then, Yen Mei, Babe wing wing, jia xuan send another message to me, I'm very happy, I thought I'll never get any wishes from them...... Then my facebook wall was full with wishes comment from many friends and NS friends...... I still remember Shiao Tong left het PPS drama a while just to post a comment, I thought she slept already, it's nearly 2 am...... Hahaha, she said she want to call, but afraid I'm asleep...... Thanks for your kindness......
The next morning, another surprise, Yen Sze send message to wish me happy birthday...... Then we chat a while...... Then I sign in facebook again, saw my Lou Po Zai(dear wife), both of us chat again...... Hehehe...... Biggest surprise!!! Ryn called me!!! Hahaha, that time I'm blur blur a bit, sorry ryn...... I'm still waited for somebody... Maybe forgotten about me...... I'm still telling myself, give many reasons to console my heart, patiently waiting for the message... Finally, I received it...... Suddenly, I don't know want to reply what... Just stared at the phone screen a while, then I decided to close the handphone and go to learn car... If I reply,it will only wasted money and time..... Nothing to say...... Just let it fade away......
Then, Yen Mei, Babe wing wing, jia xuan send another message to me, I'm very happy, I thought I'll never get any wishes from them...... Then my facebook wall was full with wishes comment from many friends and NS friends...... I still remember Shiao Tong left het PPS drama a while just to post a comment, I thought she slept already, it's nearly 2 am...... Hahaha, she said she want to call, but afraid I'm asleep...... Thanks for your kindness......
The next morning, another surprise, Yen Sze send message to wish me happy birthday...... Then we chat a while...... Then I sign in facebook again, saw my Lou Po Zai(dear wife), both of us chat again...... Hehehe...... Biggest surprise!!! Ryn called me!!! Hahaha, that time I'm blur blur a bit, sorry ryn...... I'm still waited for somebody... Maybe forgotten about me...... I'm still telling myself, give many reasons to console my heart, patiently waiting for the message... Finally, I received it...... Suddenly, I don't know want to reply what... Just stared at the phone screen a while, then I decided to close the handphone and go to learn car... If I reply,it will only wasted money and time..... Nothing to say...... Just let it fade away......
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