Failed attempt.

Here, at Kota Bharu, still cannot find any job, not that there’s no job, but I didn’t achieve their requirement, especially the criteria must possess at least 1 year experience in related field or have own transport/ own driving license. That hit me hard, I feel like falling from my seat. Hate it!

First interview, I went and filled the details on the paper. The clerk there was actually watching drama, I am very sure as the sound of desktop was very loud, even I was quite far from her. Then I handed the paper to her and she walked into a small office, I guess that is her boss, OMG the door didn’t close so her boss actually can hear her, but she didn’t have fear for the boss? Great!

Then I entered the room, it was very small office, and she asked me to have a seat, I did. She was tanned with a curly brown dyed hair, I wasn’t sure if she is a Chinese or Malay, but she looked like Malay to me. Maybe she is a Malay as she speaks in Malay. And she asked about working experience, and I startled. Of course I don’t have any working experience, I’m just graduated my high school and I thought I told her that in the phone!

She grimaced in paused, reading the details about me, but I’m sure she was thinking the dialogue to tell me I didn’t met her requirement, and I am the one who speaks, I said I’m sorry for wasting her time and I could see her relieved, apologize for the inconvenient and I left. A failed interview experience!

In the following days, I walked around my house and looking for any ‘help wanted’ sign, but none of these company or shop require workers at this moment. Sigh! And I searched the internet and did found a few jobs, so I called and sent my resume but still, there’re no hope, no a phone from them.

Today, I’m loosing my patience so I called one company and asked about job vacancy. To my surprise, they did receive my resume, how happy am I! But then, she said, “I read your resume and you really have good result, are you sure you want this job?” Then I realized they wanted to hire a full time, so I apologize and shut the phone down. Another failed attempt.

Adding up with many phone calls I made every day, it appears to me which I receive many decline from them, almost all of them! Sigh~ Finding job is worst than studying, how I wish to just return back to old days where I don’t have to worry about future. I really need a job, because I have to afford a laptop myself, and also my daily expenses in home, talking about the electric bill!

Today is the first day of new year, so I hope I can get a job in this month, not wasting my time in home doing nothing. As for these few unemployed days, I stuffed myself with watching movies and cooking video on youtube, and I learnt to cook many recipes, omelet, pancakes and easy menu. It was very fun! At least, I got something to do in my home.

Time to search jobs, and I hope every single human in this world have a great day and happy new year!

Updated.

It’s been almost two weeks since the STPM ends, and my life is very dull. Never thought the life would be so hollow, it’s worst than after SPM, I don’t know why, but maybe my view had changed for this one and a half year life. Or maybe I’d matured in some ways which I had to. Silly though.

I’m seriously want to find a job, but I had to see my own ability, how to get there, what is the working area like, did I have what they need me as an employee of them, etc etc etc… To run from all these thought, I flooded myself by watching movies online, buffering is the most terrible part, as if the time slow down, a second becomes an hour, argh! How I wish to build a satellite beside my home!

CNY, another ‘cheerful’ event, if somebody could see how sick am I, I’ll praise him or her to the top of the world! And especially to someone, a mongrel out there, if you think your university life is so good, then kept it to yourself, don’t brag until the whole world knows about it, you ain’t in Howard or Cambridge, just a tiny college. And to a lewd woman, if you think you are very beautiful, then you are way too wrong, there are thousands of people who are better looking than you, so please keep yourself in a box, I’m being polite to you now.

Yes, I don’t like you, and this is my blog and I don’t ask for your opinion after you read all the things I wrote, keep your mouth shut and close this page. I’m being too courteous to you people until you started to step onto my head, you know what, DAMN IT! My patience has it own limit and I’m telling you, I’m not who you think you can manipulate easily, keep your dirty trick away before I blew your brain off your head.

If you think your life is better than mine now, then I’m telling you here, mine will be better than yours in future, bitter first, sweet later. I have seen many things in my life which few people get to see it in my age, and I’m wretched. I don’t care how people criticize me, I am who I am, and I don’t put you in my eyes even you got places in others heart, you are a mongrel to me, always!

How relieve am I to say it out loud, it feels good. Enjoy the song ‘Decoy’ by Paramore, if you know how eager am I to sing it right onto your face!

About this week...

            This week was an exam week, the first exam for me in year 2011. As usual, the laziness cost me a three days sleep time, where I had to read books until the next morning. And the result came back wasn’t good at all. I’m thinking about my mathematics, probably I’m going to fail this time.

             

            We are responsible to distribute the STPM and SPM result, so last week’s STPM result were given away by some of our Form 6 student. Of course, I got go to check up my sisters’ result. She scored well in STPM and I was proud of her. Well done!

             

            About Sheryn’s birthday, I’m sorry for the late wishes of mine. And the present I’ll repay to you after the STPM, because I really don’t have time to go shopping. Please forgive my laziness.

             

            Lately, people around me are having problem with their friends, I just hope that both parties can be calm and settled down in peace. This is the last year we study together, appreciate each other, forgive and forget the fault done by them. True friends are not easily to find, so, treasure your friends. Friendship is gold when you have faith in it. And I have faith for them too. Sheryn, Siok Ying, Shiau Tong, Dan Qi, Sheng Nein, Keh Lyn, Siew Mei and others, wish you all grabbed the friends in hand and never let go easily.

May you rest in peace, Aunt Luan...

            I lost my dearest Aunt Luan yesterday, she was sick for almost 2 months, cannot eat and drink. Never thought she’ll be leaving us, we always said that in future, we’ll buy two detached house, she stay on one side, we stay at the next, we’ll never separate again. What a beautiful dream, but this is the dream that never come true anymore. Life is cruel toward me. Year 2007, my father is taken away from me. I cried until my head aches like my brain was going to explode in my head. Tears rolled down and down, endless pain in my little heart. Year 2008, my grandmother passed away too. She was the bridge that connected us to our relatives. It’s like an earthquake ruining the bridge, in instant, we have nobody on our side. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Year 2011, the people that cared for us the most, the only one who will help us no matter how tough our money crisis, the one that always give us support, was taken away from our side again. It’s just like a curse on us, the person that we cared the most, the one that help us the most, will eventually left us.

            I was scared, scared the people around me will left me again. There’s no one left to take family photo with me when I’m graduating, and I don’t want to take any family photo anymore. The people in our family photo are getting lesser and lesser. Now, I’m afraid that my mother or my sisters will be taken away from me. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME. I’m praying hard now. I would rather die than suffer the same heart throbbing feeling again. I want to own a time machine, where I can go back to the past and everyone was there for me. A perfect family. I will hug and tell them how much I love them, and I swear I’ll appreciate them more than anything in my life.

            To the one who is reading my blog, please appreciate your loved one no matter how they treat you, BELIEVE me, you’ll regret for the rest of your life if you don’t. Get away from the PC screen now and tell your parents three words, I LOVE YOU.

My Thought About CNY...

     Sometimes, I just don’t know why they acted like that. Each of them just wishes to insult me and humiliating me. Do I deserve that kind of treat? Maybe it’s the way they show their love? No, they don’t look like showing any care. No man is an island, but I’m a girl without any island. Did I ask for what happened to me? Did I look happy with my state? I just want a warm hug, an encouraging phrase, yet I don’t deserve it. All I get is just more bruises on my heart. I’m tired of pretending to be happy, tired to love what ever she picked for me, tired of her control, tired of her swaying mood, I’m TIRED, SICK of each of everyone that hurt me without their consciousness. I’m not invisible, I’m not sculpture and I’m not a puppet. Stop treating me like a stupid because I’ll be one who is more mean that you, I swear!

     Every year, the most hatred celebration for me is Chinese New Year. I never like it since I was small. If I don’t have new hope for that year, can I just skip it? CNY is a nonsense for me, why? Let’s look at the situation before CNY. First, you need to clean the house. Then decorate you house. Do you ever notice how much time and money you need to spend just before that? Now, what happened during CNY? You get to meet your relatives and here it goes, people started to talk about career, studies and all those related to money. Your parent need to spend money for Red Packets( angpau), most just give RM 2. Here is the problem with my mom, all those relatives she give RM 5. Say she they are our relatives. Then those relatives give us RM 2 only. More accurately, she gives away RM 5 more than RM 2. We are the one who loses the most money.

    

      When I was a kid, there are problems which I haven’t encountered. Now, here it comes. Relatives same ages with us will be compared and contrast, and that is the part that I hate most. If their kids already working, they will start telling about their kids salary, how they work and blah blah blah. Then the one that I felt like putting acid in her mouth, the one and only one who brained-wash my mom and tell her to ask us to become teacher. You son of the bitch! Bloody hell! Since that, each year my mom will only promote teacher to us. If we wish to take other course, you know what happened? She’ll suddenly become a tornado and swapped each of us away. CNY gives us trouble than new hope. After CNY, we’ll need to conserve in everything just to save our budget. Cool huh?  

     

     It’s just my humble opinion and if my writing offended my readers, I’m totally sorry but that is what happened to me. Trust me, I don’t ask for it neither. How I hope I can celebrate CNY with a pleased feeling yet things don’t goes as I wish. If they were, I’ll be dreaming. However, I would like to wish all of friends a happy CNY.

I'm tired...

Brand new year, 2011 arrived within seconds. Then school reopens. Well, my life is on the usual track again. Go to school, I saw many familiar faces as well as the hatred faces that I dislike. Our class’ location didn’t changed but just slightly a little difference, U6SPB switched to last year L6SP class. My place didn’t change too, still the last row last column the last place. I love the place and it suits me. As usual, lessons begun and subject teacher still the same.

             

I knew this may sound crazy but I actually walked home after school. Don’t ask me why, because I too don’t know why I prefer that. Since I’m useless as I cannot drive, then I just have to walk. Simple theory though. Never mention my 3^rd sister, she didn’t want to waste her precious after-STPM-holiday to send me to school or fetch me neither. As for my 2^nd sister, she needs to work. So, I just have to use my own way. Bus? I too have thought about it and phoned the bus driver but she seems reluctant to fetch me. My mom said they have customer already so they didn’t want to do my business. Okay, your decision is none of my right. I got money you don’t want to earn.

            

 Rainy season this week, I hate to wake up and hate to go school. Because transport problem. I tried to ask help from some people who lives near me but they too didn’t give me hope. So I decided to work my own way by walking home. I lied to my mom that my friend sent me home but the truth is I walked home. I know even if I told her the truth, she too couldn’t help, so I remained silent. Suddenly I miss my father. Will I have this kind of problem if he still alive? I don’t know the answer. If you still have your parent, treasure them because you’ll never have the chance to be filial with your parent once they are gone forever. You’ll never understand the feeling of lost I suffered since he was gone. No matter how understanding you are, some experience will only fully gain when the tragedy happened to you. As some says, you saw people bleeding, you know it hurts but you don’t know how the pain is.

           

 I got my MUET result and it was a terrible truth indicating my English level very low. Don’t mention about it, I felt like tearing myself into many pieces.