Finally, our holidays have arrived, but I got a feeling that it will pass very fast... Final year exam coming soon and I still have not started my revision... I am supposed to study because I'm very weak in all the subjects that I take... I lost my heart to study, I have no mood, after I saw what I've just saw, I'm totally out of my mind...
My second sister, Anjeli( my mom nickname her recently) took the initiative to teach me drive Kembara, we started the tutorial at Tengku Anis... Then I drove with fear in my heart, making too many mistakes that can cause me into accident... Then I realize that to drive a car, we need courage and a still heart... I was scolded by Anjeli many times, she was 180 degree different when at home compare in car... I know she did not mean to be stern but it's for my own safety... I knew that!!! Now I'm quite okay with the situation but not so well in driving to school... Need to improve more!!!
I always wanted to quit from facebook, but the reason why I still hold on to it is just to maintain my distance-friendships... I know it cost a lot to send message, cost more to give a call, if I message or call them, I will be wasted their golden time, what for if I'm just bothering them? When no communication, it will be considered as lost contact; if sends message and replying sms, it would cost money; online? that would be worst, not same time online, maybe they got class or other event, the timing not correct; leave comment? then today you reply, tomorrow I leave another short comment, it will be wasting more time... Just another nuisance to them... Haiz...
How to be a good friend for your best friend? Like this cannot, do that also doesn't work... Can somebody just give me a manual, because I need it so much... I'm sorry for letting you down, sorry that I'm not a thoughtful friend of you, sorry for my misunderstanding, sorry for my failure as a friend... I've always thought distance will not become a reason for breaking friendship, but it seems that I'm miscalculating... I always thought that true friendship doesn't fade easily... But the fact is, it is fading without our consciousness... We are human, easily influence by what we saw and what we hear, then we started to lose trust for each other... Thinking that: She got a new friend... She and her new friend seems to be close... She must have forgotten me... Broken promises, disbelieving and last, losing hope... Friendship fading slowly...
I just wanted to declare that, in my heart, there's always different ranking of friends for me... Each of the ranking are irreplaceable, no matter how good she is, how alike both of you are, no one can replace the position that I've set in my heart... I really feel like slicing my heart to let you see you are still at the same place in my heart, that I'm still the old me, and you are still important for me, but it seems like I'm losing your trust for me... I'm sad, sad that I'm just the same as others in your opinion... I'm just an ordinary person, and you don't know me anymore........
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