Oh My God!!!!

  Things that happened really killing me!!! I don't know what I did in my past that in this life, I had to live like this, the reincarnation that I deserve is never get what I want in this life!!! Life gets into misery and hopeless when my daddy passed away, I knew from the moment I've lost him, I'm going to be very sad and will never find my happiness again. I always thought if I could save him, maybe life won't be so tough and every Chinese New Year, we are truly reunion, at Chinese Eve. But I help nothing and was only able to see him dying. That was the darkest moment in my entire life. Losing your daddy was painful, nobody knew it unless they experience it themselves, but there is still a different, at my age, 15 year-old.

  Then, I've learned to keep things in my heart, learn to walk back home from school, learn to watch people's face, learn that friends are not always the way they use to be in school, learn that never ask help from others unless I've no choice, learn that money does buy anything but not everything, learn that reality is always cruel, learn that life is to live for die, learn that take is much easier than give, learn that nothing stays the same, learn that I've been living in dream world all these years, learn that telling lies will not hurt me but listen to people's lies, definitely I will, learn that the word "fair" only exist in book, the most importantly, I study until Form 6 just to be insulted by my own mom. Great!!!

  Now, the big issue in my home is about our future job. My mom recently just bother about that. She wished that I can be a teacher. That's right, a teacher. Wow... NO WAY MAN!!! That's what I told her when she asked me while she was helping me to cut my hair. I was silent and refused to answer, then there was silence filling the room. I thought I'm way to far to think about course that I'm going to take, right? I'm just entering Form 6 for nearly 3 months and now you're saying that I should take account teacher? And I remembered I had told her I'll never, ever, forever thought of it. She just cannot get the signal that I'm trying to pass to her. Stop it and leave me alone, please!!! Then I heard her customer suggest that nurse is better, then teacher, then doctor, after I get my SPM result, a POLICE?!? More ridiculous when I've just returned from NS. What the...

  Thinking about my studies, I really want to stab myself to death... I've wasted the holidays and now I regret about it, time flies my friend, another me in the mirror said to me, while the real me sighing. Haiz~  There's nothing that we can do, I'm sorry, I look at the PA, biology, chemistry and mathematics books that I've operated surgery on them, with the wound open wide and blood dripping, my imagination... Lost!!! I wonder how am I going to face exams that are just around the corners?

  Can't imagine the result I'll get again this time... Ruined by me... AGAIN!!!