My Thought About CNY...

     Sometimes, I just don’t know why they acted like that. Each of them just wishes to insult me and humiliating me. Do I deserve that kind of treat? Maybe it’s the way they show their love? No, they don’t look like showing any care. No man is an island, but I’m a girl without any island. Did I ask for what happened to me? Did I look happy with my state? I just want a warm hug, an encouraging phrase, yet I don’t deserve it. All I get is just more bruises on my heart. I’m tired of pretending to be happy, tired to love what ever she picked for me, tired of her control, tired of her swaying mood, I’m TIRED, SICK of each of everyone that hurt me without their consciousness. I’m not invisible, I’m not sculpture and I’m not a puppet. Stop treating me like a stupid because I’ll be one who is more mean that you, I swear!

     Every year, the most hatred celebration for me is Chinese New Year. I never like it since I was small. If I don’t have new hope for that year, can I just skip it? CNY is a nonsense for me, why? Let’s look at the situation before CNY. First, you need to clean the house. Then decorate you house. Do you ever notice how much time and money you need to spend just before that? Now, what happened during CNY? You get to meet your relatives and here it goes, people started to talk about career, studies and all those related to money. Your parent need to spend money for Red Packets( angpau), most just give RM 2. Here is the problem with my mom, all those relatives she give RM 5. Say she they are our relatives. Then those relatives give us RM 2 only. More accurately, she gives away RM 5 more than RM 2. We are the one who loses the most money.

    

      When I was a kid, there are problems which I haven’t encountered. Now, here it comes. Relatives same ages with us will be compared and contrast, and that is the part that I hate most. If their kids already working, they will start telling about their kids salary, how they work and blah blah blah. Then the one that I felt like putting acid in her mouth, the one and only one who brained-wash my mom and tell her to ask us to become teacher. You son of the bitch! Bloody hell! Since that, each year my mom will only promote teacher to us. If we wish to take other course, you know what happened? She’ll suddenly become a tornado and swapped each of us away. CNY gives us trouble than new hope. After CNY, we’ll need to conserve in everything just to save our budget. Cool huh?  

     

     It’s just my humble opinion and if my writing offended my readers, I’m totally sorry but that is what happened to me. Trust me, I don’t ask for it neither. How I hope I can celebrate CNY with a pleased feeling yet things don’t goes as I wish. If they were, I’ll be dreaming. However, I would like to wish all of friends a happy CNY.

I'm tired...

Brand new year, 2011 arrived within seconds. Then school reopens. Well, my life is on the usual track again. Go to school, I saw many familiar faces as well as the hatred faces that I dislike. Our class’ location didn’t changed but just slightly a little difference, U6SPB switched to last year L6SP class. My place didn’t change too, still the last row last column the last place. I love the place and it suits me. As usual, lessons begun and subject teacher still the same.

             

I knew this may sound crazy but I actually walked home after school. Don’t ask me why, because I too don’t know why I prefer that. Since I’m useless as I cannot drive, then I just have to walk. Simple theory though. Never mention my 3^rd sister, she didn’t want to waste her precious after-STPM-holiday to send me to school or fetch me neither. As for my 2^nd sister, she needs to work. So, I just have to use my own way. Bus? I too have thought about it and phoned the bus driver but she seems reluctant to fetch me. My mom said they have customer already so they didn’t want to do my business. Okay, your decision is none of my right. I got money you don’t want to earn.

            

 Rainy season this week, I hate to wake up and hate to go school. Because transport problem. I tried to ask help from some people who lives near me but they too didn’t give me hope. So I decided to work my own way by walking home. I lied to my mom that my friend sent me home but the truth is I walked home. I know even if I told her the truth, she too couldn’t help, so I remained silent. Suddenly I miss my father. Will I have this kind of problem if he still alive? I don’t know the answer. If you still have your parent, treasure them because you’ll never have the chance to be filial with your parent once they are gone forever. You’ll never understand the feeling of lost I suffered since he was gone. No matter how understanding you are, some experience will only fully gain when the tragedy happened to you. As some says, you saw people bleeding, you know it hurts but you don’t know how the pain is.

           

 I got my MUET result and it was a terrible truth indicating my English level very low. Don’t mention about it, I felt like tearing myself into many pieces.