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In just a few days, Chinese New Year will come, and pass in just a few days too. Life is very boring, in my case, all I do is just online, watch drama, then watch tv, after that, I’m on my bed sleeping again. The effort to find job is beginning to fade in me, I am no longer eager to take any step, no matter how hard I try, I just stumble or trip over, while others easily get it without putting much effort, sometimes, I really wonder, what is wrong with me? But nobody answer my question.

I felt awkward when I went to shopping with my mom and sister, others were happily buying the stuff needed to celebrate Chinese New Year, while all I did was just pushing the trolley, following my mum, I hate the way people looked at me, they must be wondering why I had a long face, it’s Chinese New Year, yet, I behave like I don’t care.

Yes, I don’t care! I’ll never have a true reunion, why should I be happy? People always get what they want, and I always get what people don’t want, so when they’re happy, I should be sad, and I will be sad. For a pessimistic, I’m quite optimistic. That’s what I am, and who I am.

Of course, I will not spoil others mood, enjoy your very own Chinese New Year, with all your family members with you. About friends gathering, I don’t think I can make it, sorry guys, no reason, just plainly refusing, frankly speaking, I also don’t know, but it is the way I want. Hope you all have a nice moment.

I found an interesting phrase in a song, it goes like this, ‘Since the Lord doesn’t show sympathy toward our hardship, then we shall never easily give up to our written destiny.’ Very inspiring words, let’s see whether the Lord wins, or I’ll live my own story instead of His chosen path for me.