Useless

My life is very dull, not to mention about finding a job. All of them just wanted to hire a permanent worker, that is what I can’t promise. Watching other living their life so good, even better than me, it felt hurt in someway, making me felt useless. Don’t know what awaits me in future, but what I see, is just a blur vision of my own.

If the alternate world exists, I would like to look into the alternate version of me, whether she is the same with me, having a same boring life, or she is living a wonderful and happy life. And if her father still alive, in another life, which is completely different from mine, at least she didn’t suffer like me. If I could make a switch, I surely will. We’ll make a deal when to return back to our identity, when to have a switch, it would be fun!

Sometimes, I thought of having a party, where people dance till morning with the music playing by DJ. Silly, but I really want to feel that atmosphere. Imagine it is killing me, how I want a western life. Teenagers playing without following the rules, just like Katy Perry’s song ‘TGIF’, would that be fun? Then heavy rain join us, wow, dancing in the rain, everything I wanted so much never come true, maybe it is best to remain an imaginary dream in my head.

Well, I’ve been thinking about what course to study, but I doubted my results, for information, STPM is nothing compared to SPM, it is way too tough, but somehow a little easier than university test, I guess. For those who chosen their life path, I really salute them as they found their direction, I’m lost on my own mind, who knows what the future holds, one wrong step and we’re done. I remember the poem studied, ‘The Road Not Taken’, different choices leads to different future, BUT sometimes, different choices leads to same fate. That’s unexplainable.

Actually what I want to be is kind of impossible for me, I’m not pretty, not slender, not famous, not intelligent, not talented, I’m just an ordinary, translucent, unattractive human being, I believe the number of people who actually really saw me in their eyes were not more than the number of my fingers and toes. Funny but true, others don’t have to tell me, but I know from their rolling eyes, I’m an eyesore for them.

This is what I got for today, good night.